The Truth Of Life…

This is something I’ve put off doing for quite sometime, so if your reading this i want you to read on because I can guarantee it’ll make you think about reflect on yourself. And know this took something deep inside me to do this..

Okay.. let begin.. My name is JD (well, my initials) and I’m a 23 year old, British male. Im good looking, with a rocking physique, a talented athlete, financially independent, in the middle of a very successful career, a very good singer, I’m kind, loving, caring, from a good home of two loving parents, I’ve never been without in my life… Oh, and i live in a Penthouse apartment in Canada.

And I’m completely unsatisfied with life.. because “There is nothing more soul destroying in life than loneliness”

This letter serves as the ultimate story to any of you that think money buys happiness.. in fact NOTHING can buy you happiness. Everyday I go to a job that brought me half way across the world, earn an hourly wage better than most. And I come home to my gorgeous apartment. And I sit in the dark on my own drinking until I can finally fall asleep.

So why have I told you this, and probably seemed so arrogant in doing so. Because this is all facts. My dad is famous for coming out with sayings. And recently I learned one of his sayings couldn’t be truer “It’s not about what you do in life, but who you share that with.”

Well.. let me tell you.. I’d rather be homeless and in love than where I am right now. I’d love to tell you that this is just some little shitty silver spooned kid moaning about his life and doesn’t know what the real struggle of life is. But I think I’ve earned that trophy unfortunately.

Life was awesome, Until i met a girl at 19 years old who really changed everything. I fell for her within minutes, and ill try and sum this up quick. We dated for 9 months. In which time we had a unplanned pregnancy, an abortion, a serious illness (in which I QUIT university to look after her), she cheated on me, then after 6 toxic more months. We ended things.

Oh… and I leaked some naked photos of her online and got myself arrested. What a dick move!

Well as you can see from that, I was always doomed to be here, I had a further 3 years of gambling problems, using women, and anti depressants to subdue my issues until I met someone who also cheated on me. Fast forward 2 more years and my career took off in outstanding fashion. Life is great and I’m living in Canada “living the dream” to all my family and friends. When in reality they don’t know just how lonely it is. I considered running away several times. But the reality is that i don’t have anything here, so whats the difference if i run away 200 miles in any direction? Nothing is nothing regardless of where you are.

So then I meet her, the game-changer. The one that within a month I thought to myself, This is the one I’m gonna marry. Well was I wrong. I tried so hard to hide my depression, my insecurities, my true monster but 3 months later a break up hits me and I lose my rationality, threaten to hurt myself because she’s breaking my heart and doesn’t care anymore, and then the joke became real because of New Years Eve I try to take my own life via overdose, I left a note and a video. But I woke up the next morning, and puked for a day straight.

It’s been a month or so since. And I’m reminded everyday about her. I miss feeling loved, I miss holding someone, I miss having a purpose. I know a lot of you will be reading this and going “oh your only 23! shut up you will find someone” but is that realistically true? I mean my sister is 38, a single mother who possesses all the same problems as me. Is that destined realistically to be me. I mean its been nearly 5 years and I haven’t grown at all, I’ve made money, have material things but I still sleep alone every night. I’d trade it all in to be married and living on the poverty line with either of the women I’ve mentioned in this.

So if you want to know about the wealthy, good looking, English guy working in the pro sports industry in Canada does in his spare time. He mainly go homes and drinks, takes sleeping tablets, takes recreational drugs. Because he’s looking for one thing. Sleep. Because its the only time it doesn’t hurt. When i look back on the way my life crashed down at 19 and I’ve spent the last 5 years trying to recover. I have no faith in life anymore, It all seems meaningless without someone to experience it with. Everywhere I look all I see is happiness and love between people.

And that’s when I learned something truly valuable to me….
The most painful thing you can feel in this world, It’s not betrayal, it’s not physical, it’s not dishonesty, it’s Loneliness.

“A life spent alone is a life wasted” So if your in a situation right now where you have someone you love, or maybe are in two minds about your partner, or scared to commit to someone you think you could have something special with… Here’s the advice of a man who has killed every love he has ever received.

DONT let it go, Its better to be content and loved, than alone and unloved. Because if your lucky, when you go to sleep at night you won’t dream about dying alone, with no one by your bed, never having children, never seeing the world with anyone but your iPhone. Never feeling love for someone again. Because god knows I do. Its my biggest fear and as i finish this whiskey and coke before trying to sleep. I hope for your sake you never have to feel what i do right now.

Goodnight World
JD.