It’s a poem about a dying friendship
It’s a more truthful poem with less creativity and rhyme. But I do hope you enjoy, I wrote my heart out.
You leave with them pieces of your heart.
Sacrificing every bit of second you can for them.
You stay with them like how Pluto never got to leave the Solar System no matter how much they tried making him,
Heeding to their every word because they need you.
You know they need you.
And you thought everything would’ve been fine.
Days like these would continue where, you’d exchange the reports of your daily lives with the blue ticks that appear on the bottom right of the screen.
You’d make time to just hear each other’s- no, not voices, but breathing, through muffled devices to make sure they’re still living and striving and fighting.
You’d tag them in every useless piece of information on the paperless book we call Face so it would remind them that they are always in your mind and you won’t ever push them into the depths of empty darkness alone.
I did all this despite knowing the fact that I’ll be leaving very soon.
“You have to let go and move on for your future,” is what they tell me.
And I agree, so I chose to continue my studies 12,819 kilometres away.
I chose to let go of my contentful life here with this multi-racial society that shines heartlessness but shows kindness within the shadows.
I chose to move on to a quieter, peaceful-er country that probably says please and sorry in every of its corners and drinks maple syrup.
But I chose to NOT let go of my friends, partners in crime, if you may, that probably caught my fall more times than my parents ever did.
Because you can leave physically to any other parts of the world but once your heart’s connected with others, chains never break.
Though that’s probably my point of view.
Because obviously, she doesn’t think so.
She finds it hard to make new friends,
Her heart would stop beating and her mind would either go completely blank or explode with thousands of thoughts,
As she struggles to find the right words and feelings that would create new bonds.
I knew that. Of course I did,
That’s why when we graduated from Secondary School and went off to different colleges,
I continued inviting her into my life, and at the same time, barging into hers.
When my classes are over I’d make sure to drop her a visit,
Hoping to heal the loneliness she hides inside and ignoring my anxiety gushing up like a tsunami telling me she finds me annoying.
When she struggled with her assignments, like every other normal student, I Skyped with her for hours and entertain her,
Because she likes company when she draws and I didn’t mind finishing my programming later in the night.
When a semester came and she met a group of friends that she could finally share her life with,
I was happy for her, I really was.
But I was naive to think that it wouldn’t have changed our friendship.
Those after class visits? They’ve joined along.
She told me they were friendly, and I believed her,
Because they were the people who shed light upon her existence.
But how should I act around them when I don’t understand a single word they’re saying?
The flashbacks they share in the classes I’m not part of.
The people they gossip about whose identity I have no clue.
The times where they walk together as a perfect group while I fall behind.?
But, I continued intruding into her life,
Thinking she still needed me,
I was wrong.
She now replies my messages half-heartedly,
Sometimes ignoring me when I wished desperately for her to answer.
She declines my invitations-turned-requests to hang out, ?To spend our last moments together before I leave in a month’s time.
Gradually, I hated myself,
I hated myself for hating her because she abandoned me,
I hated myself for hating her because she finally let go,
I hated myself for hating her because this time it’s her turn to moved on in her life.
So I stopped ignoring the pain filling into the hollow heart inside,
Because it was then I realized I won’t be getting pieces of my heart back anymore.
Because it was then I tried saving my time for someone more worthy.
Because it was then I understood that chains may not break but with rust they do.
I never allowed distance to get in my way,
When we went from being classmates to schoolmates of the opposite building,
When we went from being schoolmates to close friends from different colleges,
When now we’re going from close friends to something even lesser.
I never allowed distance to get in my way,
But now I’m left alone to wonder,
Why did she?