I can’t really explain why I feel the way I feel without sounding like a complete depressed teen which I don’t identify as (for now). I live in a small fucked up country (believe me it sucks). I’m a loner, no friends except for 2 good ones. School is the worst thing ever. 7 hours standing awkwardly in room full of outgoing people. It’s not like I don’t enjoy hanging out with friends because I do. Hanging out with more than 2 people I don’t like. And since everyone at school thinks it’s boring to spend their time with less than 2 people. So, it is like I want to hand with you but I don’t want you bring a thousand of your friends. So, there is the part with the loneliness. Then things start to get stranger.
I’ve always been a very deep thoughtful person so as I grew older I started to think about life more. So, after thinking too much I developed a strange type of fear. I can’t really explain but I think am afraid of life passing me by. I mean my life super simple-wake up, go to school (and hate every second of it), go home, go to bed. It is the same every single day which makes the weekend so special to media feel as if I am in a time loop, just frozen as time goes by. Sometimes I feel sad for no good reason. I forgot to mention that I have something like a social phobia which is probably the biggest reason I feel fine on my own and anxious around others. Am I digging too deep in my thoughts. Everything makes me sad. Even the good moments make me sad because I know that they will pass and I will be left with the same boring everyday life. I’m not happy. I can’t seem to find a point, a direction. I just stand in the same place scared of the future. What should I do?