How is it to be me? Easy just be invisible to everyone’s eyes and presto you are me. I tried to be invisible in everyone’s eyes but unfortunately, I can’t, literally can’t, first: because of my size second because of my background.
I know no one will judge me here, because no one will know who I am, besides the Anonymous name. Let me tell you a bit of my life.
I was this chubby, shy girl who used to like the behind the scene rather than the front of the stage. I’d rather be working on the backstage than being on the front act. That’s how shy I am. I don’t know if I will consider that as a medical condition but so far, I haven’t check any doctor about it.
Not the age of 26, I’m still this No Boyfriend Since Birth well that’s for the record. But the truth is I tried online thing I thought that will work out pretending somebody whom you are not, or composing a character whom you are not, showing your best shot so you can attract opposite gender.
Yes, many have been attracted to the false me, but not the real me. I even tried Long Distance Relationship it lasted for 2 years but with a lot of quarrel and since I started it with a lie I ended up being left and being lied too. We’ll I can’t blame the man, though somehow, I know that I fall for him too.
At my age, many of classmates is building up their own families, being a successful man or woman in their life, I feel I am being left out. I feel I failed in my life. I feel I will end up being alone when grow old.
Sometimes it’s irritable that people would ask me, when will I introduced someone to them, or when will I get married. And mostly people will ask you, “Oh where you’ve been there?”, “Don’t you know that… and that… had already house”. with world, full of comparisons and standards, I feel rejected and being left alone. With so many choices, I feel I won’t be the best choice, I am the last choice.
I have this low self-esteem within that makes me look down to myself which other people don’t understand about me, I just tried to hide that by being the Joker or the Clown-of-the-peers. But at the back of those smiles, those hilarious laugh is a woman full of insecurity and low-self-esteem.
I know no one will love me the way I wanted to be love. I am not beautiful, not a sexy woman either. No one will have laid their eyes upon the person behind my appearance, no one will take time to know the real me, because there a lot of choices around. As for me, I know I will grow old alone. I better prepare myself for that.