Whenever I am around my family I feel as if I am about to explode. The feeling comes from the thought that I never do anything right, and when I do something that is worth some sort of praise they degrade me and only point out the negatives. Sometimes the thought of running away makes me feel better, but what am I to do? In four months, I will be gone and off to college. I do not know my college choice yet, but the thought of leaving this hell whole is relieving. I honestly do not have that bad of a life, but it’s a life I don’t want to be involved with anymore. My parents tell me I have a shitty attitude; however, they are just upset because I stand up for myself and don’t take their bullshit. I may not be the nicest person out there, but I am not a bad child, especially compared to my older sister. Sometimes I believe that I just hide everything inside and those negative feelings come out in bursts at times. Even though those may be bad, I believe I am still hiding everything because I feel as if I have no one to talk to. Just recently I broke up with my boyfriend. We dated for a year and became best friends. I ended up losing my other best friend because I moved across the country. We are still best friends but not having her around makes everything harder, so when I broke up with my boyfriend that was even harder. I have to see him in class every day and at practice as well and soon that begins to be too much. He now has a girlfriend – a week after we broke up – and realizing that he moved on is hard but I have to learn to deal with it. There are so many emotions in my head and I am getting to the point I can’t take it anymore. Why is everything that I surround myself with so hard? Why is there always something I do wrong? I know I am a good person but when you have your own parents question that because you don’t do everything their way gets to you and your thoughts. I have no idea what to do and I feel like I may actually become depressed which really scares me because what if I try to hurt myself? I may take it too far. But in all honesty what is too far? The thought of leaving and never coming back is scary, but it’s something I really want to do.
