Because I am sorry for some of the things I’ve done. I never cheated for the record back when I was with you. We were on a break, I was with someone else for a while.

That didn’t work out because he was dealing with someone else and I was not over you. He kept telling me he wanted to save me from you. He also saw I was not over you at all. Another reason why we fell out.

So, at the time we weren’t even together. After that situation was done I started responding to you again. You started calling me again and telling me you wanted to talk. I told you I had a boyfriend, what wasn’t even true at all, that was already over.

I decided to come over and listen one more time. You didn’t tell me what I wanted to hear, just lies again. Over and over again. All I wanted was the truth. So maybe that way we could start over.

You were even acting different. I can’t even explain what you were doing, that was so different, but I know you, so I knew something changed. That’s why I decided to leave and just forget about you, about us.

I didn’t hear anything form you the day after. I was so confused. Why weren’t you calling me or texting me. This was the day you went to jail. You never even reached out to me. I reached out to you. So? Where you not even missing me? Had you already forgotten me? Had you moved on? That fast? All these questions I never dared to ask. And still I’ve been there for you all the way.

I’m the person you could always call, I would always pick up. Whatever you’d ask from me, I would do. And you were lying still. Still so many other females. That meant you were with them before you went away.

Why would another girl ‘just visit’ you? Why would you be calling other girls if you wouldn’t care for them? Obviously, you were already with them. I decided to try to keep it friendly. To still be there for you. For you to know I’m still here.

You were my best friend. You were the first person I would want to speak to whenever I had good news, or even bad. Though you knew what you were doing all along you blame me. You confuse me. Call me unloyal. Act like you don’t care and all of a sudden you DO care? Why? What do you expected from me and what do you expect now? I want to move on. I want to be happy. I want to love and be loved. But whenever I feel like I made steps moving on from you, I just feel guilty. Guilty for not knowing If I could’ve done more to make us work. Guilty for still loving you as much and not showing you.

You made me happy, you made me fall in love, you made feel like a woman. You made me look at myself a way no one ever had before. You made me want to become a better version of me. I will always appreciate and love you for that. But maybe these questions should stay unanswered for me to move on. I deserve to love. I deserve to grow. I deserve to know my worth. Without you.