I’m scared of my friends
I am so tired that I can’t even find the words to describe what I feel right now.
My life messed up. I used to be a happy person, but now I’m just a person who fakes laugh. Happiness is a choice, yeah, but for me happiness is a massive equation.
It’s really hard to watch my friends turn their backs and create rumours about me. It’s really hard to watch them build an army against me.
I denied that they cause me pain, but I know deep inside me I’m hurt, I feel betrayed, and I’m scared of them.
I haven’t talked about them to others because I don’t want to take their rights to be judge by how others knew them. But I can’t take it anymore, so here I am, confessing anonymously. They have no idea how they affect my life, I’m drowning, my insecurities start to build up, my confident fades but behind these, I pretend. I love them so much that I kept my mouth closed as they spread rumours about me. It’s just all because I found a new friend, and they wrecked me for having a new friend. I still love them though.
They don’t sound like friends to me. Question yourself. Why do you love them? Is it because you are driven by the fear of them that you have to love them? Tell them you’re hurt. Tell them they don’t treat you like a true friend. Tell them they’re treating you like a piece of garbage and if they don’t stop you won’t be their friend anymore. If that’s too scary, talk to a teacher or school counselor you’re comfortable with. They can make sure the situation improves. If this all sounds too extreme, just take some time off from your friends to think over everything.
It also sounds like you have depression. There are two ways to go about it: drown yourself in sadness because of the knowledge you HAVE depression, or build yourself back up to be confident and happy again.
I recently overcame my depression, and something that really helped was listening to the album Evolve by Imagine Dragons, think of it from the perspetive of depression and it really empowers you. This music helped lift my mood. Another thing, the thing that brought me out of it, was doing what I love to do. I love writing and I hadn’t written for months, but I got the inspiration and wrote the first chapter of a book and kept writing more chapters. One last thing that helped, was building my relationships with people that mattered to me and listened. After that, I KNEW I overcame my depression because I didn’t have to question whether or not I was happy or sad.
Don’t give up. You’re unique, loved, and special.
– Person who’s been through it