Have you ever been in a place where you felt lost? Looked yourself in the mirror and asked yourself, who am I? Wondering if you’ll ever find your way out of that dark place? Well I have. In fact, I have been there quite a few times.
I don’t even know where to even begin, or to try to find the words to tell you just why I was ever feeling lost or why I was ever in a dark place in my life. It’s quite a story actually. In fact, telling my story to others has always been quite hard for me. You see when I sit and think about all the crazy things I have done in my past. I find it quite impossible to tell anyone about it.
Sure, some will judge you, but then you have those who will seem to understand you and accept you for who you are. Well here’s why I decided to tell you my life and why I want to share my past with others. I guess my easy way of telling my story is through written words other than to speak about it. It’s quite relaxing to be able to express my thoughts through a piece a paper and know that, that paper can’t reply back to you.
I’m sure you don’t really care to know anything about me or why I even have to tell you anything about myself. But you see just like me there are others out there in this world, who are most likely in the same exact place I was at. Feeling alone, lost, sad, unhappy, or just didn’t know where they belonged.
So, I guess I’ll start with my name. My name is Victoria, I am 25 years old and a single mother of a little girl named Sophia. Crazy right? 25 years old and single with a kid. But she is precious of course, and God only knows that I would do anything in this world for my Sophia.
I guess the reason I decided to share this is to let others just like me, who are other in the same place I once was or are still there. To know that things will get tough before they become easy. And let me tell you things were extremely tough and honestly, I am quite impressed on how far I came. I want to say that it’s not going to be always easy. You are going to fall several times. You are going to be pushed down so many times, but don’t let it break you. Let those falls make you stronger. Let those falls make you push yourself harder and harder each time. Let them be the reason they make you a stronger person, and when you look down on that little person who looks up to you the most. Let them be the reason you are still standing.
If someone was to ask me what does the meaning of the word “Lost” mean to me. My mind would start to realm all over the place. You see that word could mean so many different things to all of us. But to me it means so much more than just four letters. Lost, it means a dark place where no one could hear you or see you. A place where you can scream for hours and hours, and no one would even notice where you are at.
Sure, your physical self could be there, but what about mentally? You see our minds are very tricky. They can make others see what they want to see, but are we really showing them what we see? Most of us can’t. We start to shut down, we start to feel nothing but darkness all around us that eventually, we start to show those emotions. But do others understand why we are this way? No, they don’t. We are only human, we only seem to understand what is brought to our attentions. Others have an easy way to speak about how they feel, but then there’s the other half of us. Who can’t, who continue to walk around the world acting as if everything was okay. But their minds aren’t truly there. They’re lost in their thoughts, lost in a dark place. Screaming for help but don’t know how to ask for it. Hoping that maybe someone will care to enough to notice that they are screaming for help.
So, in other words if someone was to ask me, what does the word “Lost” mean to me. I guess the reply to that answer would be just that. You’re probably reading this and thinking to yourself, what is wrong with this girl. But in time you’ll seem to understand why my response was exactly that. Why instead of responding what such a simple word means in such a deep and strong way. You’ll truly began to understand why.
I’m not here to tell you my sobbing story or to tell you because I want you to feel bad for me. But I am here to tell you why I wanted to share my life with you. Why I decided to open up my book with you.
belive me.. i trully understand… i did or i am doing this like crying for help… but no body is listening to me… the pain is breaking you inside…. and those haunting ghost of past surround you sucking all your feeling… nothing left but pain… all the people you helped in their darkest time… now become the reason to kick you into that shit…. keep that door closed… i am not cathing up my thought recently…
I could say I understand it in my own way…I understand what it means to feel like a floating entity with no purpose.Just existenting because well…its an option right?
However my difference is,I’m afraid to die but I can’t live either.You see,I pretend like I am alright.I joke,laugh and blend in with the rest of the world,its like an act I’ve perfected that everyone believes.However,the people who have come to know who I am,abandoned me for that simple reason.I’m locked in a place where I want contact with someone,anyone but I just can’t…I’m so deathly afraid of letting someone into my hell,because they don’t truly understand what it is.
You end up being the freak,the outcast,odd one out or whatever you want to call it.
That’s the only reason I’ve even perfected it.I look at the oblivious people who don’t understand and I smile with them.I make them laugh,I try to be my best…because at the end of the day when we go our seperate ways…I’m still as lost as when I woke up and questioned whether or not it was worth it to just…be there.
I am 16 and I feel like I am currently in that state… And it’s bad because I feel like I am never getting out of this mess. Stuff is just piling on top of each other and there’s absolutely no way out. You are lucky, you know. You say you’re outta the dark place. I’m happy for you. Good luck ahead.
I feel the exact same way. I know I’m only 14 and in the eighth grade, but these feelings aren’t new. I’ve had them since I started middle school and it almost time for me to start high school. I feel like I’m just putting on an act. If you ask anyone, they would tell you that I’m a quiet smart girl whose grades would meet Harvard standard. But yet, I don’t feel that way about myself. I often fall into deep trances, maybe it periods of depression? I don’t know. Anyways, few people notice and those who do ask me and I just shrug it off with a smile and say I was daydreaming. No one worries. My smile is an act. I hurt. I’m not the same size as everyone else so I can’t wear the cute trendy clothes, my hurt pride keeps me from interacting with boys, and I can just never seem to be noticed enough to be invited somewhere or acknowledged. All I feel is lost in a dark world, unable to show anyone the true me. Maybe one day, I can break this trance but as of right now, it’s just seems impossible.