She was a quiet person. She cared for everyone around her and managed to care for herself very last. Her days were filled with laundry, dishes, diapers, and bills. Nothing ever looked done.
He would come home. Dinner wouldn’t be made, there were still dishes from the morning, laundry never to be caught up. What did she do all day? Does she just lay around and do nothing?
She watched him come through the door. She knew she only got half the laundry done. Half way through her day she knew it was too late to take the frozen meat out of the freezer to thaw. She was stressing over the dishes that day. But she knew if she did laundry and dishes it would be the third day in a row she wouldn’t have enough hot water to shower with.
He’d ask, she’d try and explain. He’d get mad, she’d cry.
She starts her days by waking up before the house. She’d make sure there was coffee. She’d make sure his clothes for work were ready, and if they weren’t, which wasn’t too often, she’d hand wash them, so they’d be dry in time for him. If there’s food to pack she makes his lunch. She wakes him up and most days he’s mad at her for not waking him sooner or waking him too late. He never got up when he was supposed to no matter what she tried. He’d blame her for his morning being all wrong and disappear to shower mad.
She checks the weather. Brings him his clothes so he doesn’t have to look for them. Bring him a towel so he can have a smooth morning and just go straight to the shower. He’s still mad though, she doesn’t really know why.
He complains he’s hungry. She never makes breakfast. She should, but most mornings she’s trying to get too many other things done. On the days she does make it, he rarely eats it. Either he isn’t hungry or it’s not what he wants.
When he leaves for work she’s been up for hours by then. Their son wakes up and she makes him breakfast and he wants to play. So, she feeds him, brushes his teeth, gets him dressed, and they play for a bit. She leaves him in his room with something to watch. She feels guilty for that, but she has phone calls to make, bills to go through, her own work to do.
Some days her son doesn’t want anything to do with being alone. So, she can’t get done what she needs to. So, she either lets him scream to get her things done or plays with him. Either makes working impossible.
When he finally goes to nap she has to choose. Does she shower? Clean the house? Does she do the bills and her work? Does she get a chance to sit down and relax? She chooses. It doesn’t matter what she picks but it’s going to mean something else doesn’t get done.
Not all her days are filled so much. And some days she does ignore the house or bills. But she wants him to realize when she wakes him up, maybe it was the 10th try. When she brings him his clothes, maybe she woke up extra early, so they were clean. And when he comes home and there’s piles of laundry and the same dishes are still there from that morning, maybe she wanted a hot shower that day.
She’s sorry she can’t be the loving, sexy, young, and the perfect woman. But sometimes she’s just used up.