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I am 27, fat, depressed and virgin

I am 27, fat, depressed and virgin. I got social anxiety disorder so it’s really hard for me to socialize with people, specially girls.

I once lost 95 lbs through extreme dieting and exercising and became skinny which got me a girlfriend who wouldn’t sleep with me unless we were married. She tried pressurizing me into marrying her for 1.5 years of our 2-year relationship.

I refused to do so because I knew I couldn’t marry someone and have children while I am clinically depressed, not in a stable place in my life and never have experienced sexual intercourse.

I also couldn’t get out of that relationship because every time I tried to do so she would have cried like a baby and made me guilty as hell. This relationship made me more anxious, more depressed, and fat again.

My family didn’t make it easier on me either. For my whole life, I had to watch my parents fight each other and my sister fight my father because he was and is a control freak who has tried to control every single aspect of our lives since the beginning. Since I was ten, in every fight, my responsibility was to calm everyone down and try to prevent the situation to get too violent.

I won’t think about asking girls out because I think they loathe me for my body. Last week I was called fat and hideous and was compared to a an extremely overweight powerlifter by bunch of people who I relied on for emotional support which made me realize that I was right about people loathing me.

Anyway, I’m finishing my masters in CS and trying to focus on my job as a software developer because that’s the only thing I’ve got.

 

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