I met him just before summer break of my freshman year in high school. Although he wasn’t who I initially thought I wanted, he turned out to be the one. His smell, his smile, the way he gazed into my eyes, he was just right for me. He never failed to tell me how beautiful I was, or how much he loved me. There was no safer place for me than being wrapped in his arms. I never questioned his love for me, because I didn’t have to. I knew he loved me and I loved him just as much. I know you are probably thinking who knows real love at the age of 15? But trust me, we were head over heels for each other. So what next? I know you guys are expecting some fairytale ending but things didn’t quite work out that way. Besides his smooth, charming ways, he was always so secretive. He would always delete his text messages and facebook messages, but would antagonize me about my guy friends. You know how the saying goes, whenever they are accusing you, it is because they are doing something. However, that wasn’t a sign for me at that age because I just knew I wanted to be with this boy forever. So going into my junior year I’ve always heard stuff about “him” cheating on me. One time it was even about “him” and my cousin in the school bathroom. I know right, my cousin smh. Call me crazy but those who never loved will never know where I’m coming from. This boy was my everything and I probably would’ve taken him back no matter what he did. So my last strike was when this girl started messaging me all these details about her having sex with “my man”. WHAT?! I felt like my whole world came crashing down. Not my boo!! Are you sure it was him? Are you lying to try and break us up?? I mean my mind was racing!!! So many thoughts and feelings of anger, hurt, and betrayal just bottled up inside of me. I mean I was more than willing to have sex with him, he just never wanted to. Idk if it was that he didn’t want to, or he couldn’t bring himself to do it, but whatever the case was I was betrayed by the person I would’ve done anything for. Although I’ve had the opportunity to cheat on him plenty of times, I loved him too much. I could never do that to him, because I knew it would crush him. But this time, oh this time I was seeking revenge. I wanted him to hurt like he hurt me. So I cheated on him. So thats it, we were supposed to be even right? WRONG!!! I got pregnant and the hardest thing I ever had to do was tell the person I love I got pregnant by someone else. Sounds like the girl version of Usher confessions, huh? I know but this really happened to me. This is really my life. I cried soooo many nights because I know I hurt him. But he hurt me first? Was i wrong for trying to get even? Fast forward NINE years later and I’m still stuck on the same person. I am 24 years old now, and no, we’re not together but we’ve never really left each other alone. I just can’t get over him. We’ve both been in different relationships but something keeps drawing us back together. He now, has this was of making me feel so loved, and then feel like shit the very next second. Sometimes i think it’s my fault because i hurt him, and if i wouldn’t have gotten pregnant, our lives would be so different. Idk, I’m just as much in love with him now as I was when I was 15. Why can’t I let this boy go? I know he loves me, but I also know I will probably never be the only one in his life. I need answers!! Heeellllpppppppp

Sincerely,

A teenage love affair