Today I scratched my left wrist until it was red with a pen because I was too afraid to actually cut it. I feel faint at the sight of blood. My mother was stressed and angry so it all came down on me. I felt lonely and, since I’m an introvert with social anxiety, cried my eyes out. I showed her what I’d done and asked her if she wanted the pen. She said no, and told me not to do silly things. Right now, I feel worthless and sad and often think of ways to escape the emotional pain. I won’t harm myself anymore. At least not until things get too difficult. But I am not worried because I know I’ll be in a better place, wherever it is.
I’ll see a therapist soon; I hope my life improves. I hope…
You know, I’ve been struggling with depression, and having urges to hurt myself. I know exactly what you’re going through. A mother that doesn’t seem to appreciate who you are and what your feelings are. Self worth that to you is no worth at all. And the urge to hurt yourself, but hating blood. I’ve had all that and much more. It all is real. Whatever you do, just don’t hurt yourself, and never ever blame yourself. What you’re going through did not happen because of something you’ve done. Always remember that. There are people out there who care, and are ready to help you. I’ve found a friend who was willing to listen to all my troubles, though we are separated by hundreds of miles. I’ve even been suicidal, and she’s stayed with me. Find somebody, online or in person who will listen that always helps. I’ll be praying for you ?