I am sorry about the writing, I wrote this while I was very emotionally heavy… So, I am eighteen, my life has never been, normal. It’s like a giant roller coaster that is heading straight toward an abyss of total blackness. What you are about to read is not me trying to cope with my past. It is based off my life, I cannot promise you it is exactly the truth, but it’s going to be damn near close. Just remember I came out normal, if there truly even is a thing called normal. Normal is a foreign word to pretty much anyone really. I will try to write about it, but please note, most of the people in the story were dead very shortly after.
In 1940’s, my ancestors ran from Germany to America, just shortly before the war started. They were part Jew, and it didn’t help that Heinrich Himmler was close in the family tree. They quickly changed their name from Keugner to Keener, to make sure they were not sent back. Which later Omar Bradley was born in that family tree. A thousand years ago My family was actually king and queens of both Ireland and Israel.
My dad grew up in not so normal family either, his dad was a mechanic, and his mom worked at McDonalds. His dad would often come home screaming and cursing everyone out. He often worked with his dad, or stayed at a cabin trapping, he hated them both. When he was 8, he put together a go cart with parts laying around the house. He put together the entire engine, and it actually still runs, and I have driven it recently. Later when he was 12 he put together an entire engine. His dad later came home, slapped him, and took it all apart because he felt his son can’t do anything right, and felt it was wrong without checking it first.
His sister was very smart, but she always got away with everything and was a complete bitch 24/7. He used to abuse his sister, and locked her in closets for hours, because his dad did the same thing to him. During this, he took up relations with his sister, both of them being so abused they did not know better, this lasted for years.
He met my mom in high school, her life was no better. Her dad was amazing, but her mom was abusive and neglected them. Her brother was often abusive and raped my mom over and over again until he fell in love for his sister creating my cousin. Which later just ended up in jail for raping a 7-year-old. They both found each other and fell quickly in love. My mom had no idea she was marrying basically her brother.
After only a few years the oldest was born. My dad absolutely loved her with all his might, he had no idea what was about to happen. When she was about two she passed from getting the flu, then getting diabetes, and then dying. It destroyed him. Soon after my first sister was born, he loved her enough for two babies, and he gave her everything. Including toys and gifts. Later my brother and sister were born, after that it came me. I unfortunately was blessed with bad luck, which I somehow live after every incident, and unfortunately it only gets worse soon after.
My dad was still an amazing dad, until I was about 1 he brought home a puppy. This puppy had bathroom issues, and it didn’t help that he beat her with a 2*4 every time. He later turned his anger to us, my first incident of this is was playing with his binoculars. He quickly took them from me and did not tell me why. I walked up to them and picked them up, my dad got so mad he started kicking me and slapping me when I was about 2 or 4.
My dad would come home most days angry at his boss. He would very often come home and take all of his physical and verbal angry out on us, like calling my mom a bitch, or hitting us with PVC pipes. He wouldn’t stop until he got out all of his anger, even if he left welts all over us.
My church that I was going to was a very traditional church, that swept all of this under the rug. I was not the only family in that church with an abusive dad. The church also believed in forcing people to become saved, by making you feel so bad about your life that the only way that you could get them to stop is by saying, you are angry at Jesus and you need to come to his cross for repentance. They also banned anything that was traditional or 100% glorified God. Movies were banned just by having an actor in it do something immoral, despite what the movies message was about. So naturally they try to ban TV’s and such.
Masturbating at this church was considered just as bad as murdering someone. Even having an unmoral thought in your head, that most people would think is natural they would think it was demonic. It was very hard going through puberty believing this. I would often do physical damage to myself by punching myself to stop these completely natural thoughts.
I started off school in kindergarten by home-schooling, when the next year my church made a school for kids that taught all their morals and their beliefs in a controlled environment. All of the teachers were moms, and they were not paid. All it caused was teen pregnancies and alcoholics. Most people not addicted to drugs, became an addict before leaving. My mom saw this and pulled me out in third grade after holding me back in second grade.
I didn’t do anything my third, fourth, fifth grade, but a went back to school my sixth-grade year. When I was in Sixth grade, I had a third-grade education. Schooling was extremely hard, and my dad would yell at me every time I had homework, for having homework. He expected I was being lazy in school, not teachers give their students homework. I would often hide my school work in my bag and refuse to do it. It was a miracle I graduated, I didn’t deserve it. I barely passed my classes with only C’s and D’s, and often would beg my teachers to pass me because they knew my dad was fucked up.
In sixth grade I was at a private Christian school, who in 7th grade suggested I should go straight to public high school to receive help and skip 8th grade, which was what happened. At this time, I was still mentally messed up from my dad picking me up by my neck and tried strangling me for trying to tell someone on how abusive my dad is.
I started football my freshmen year, what was surprising about this is, I was 5’6” and was 280 pounds. Football installed into me, hard work, dedication, and one day I will have a family for my own. I lost about 50 pounds in two in a half month, and it was also the start of growing up for me. I still wear a linked chain given to me my sophomore year. What it means to me is, work as hard as you possible can to one day you might receive what you put out. At the beginning of my Sophomore year I tore my right shoulder, I was so used to pain growing up I didn’t even realize until after the entire Football season was over when I got a cat scan. After my sophomore year, was the start of me taking life by the balls. It is because that Christmas in middle of my Sophomore year my mom passed away. She died from a stress induced heart attack from my abusive dad.
That summer a ran away from home and moved into a homeless shelter, I had to look at my entire life and change everything. I was so mentally fucked up, that it was just too much, I became clinically depressed. I had lost all of my old friends, and I would have to go to a new school. On my birthday I took my dad to court and won. I very quickly moved into my brother house where I stayed for two years. They raised me to the best of their ability, and the day I moved out of the homeless shelter I got my dog. My dog is the only thing on the planet that I truly feels is mine, and I absolutely love him.
After I moved out, I took him with me, and he is like my son, as I am experiencing life with my sister and roommate. I am actually doing very well. I now no longer have sexual issue despite the fact that I can’t fucking find a girl, and I only had one gf in high school because of everything that happened. I now have issues with connecting with people after my cousin got murdered by her husband, which chopped her up in a million pieces. Then my grandpa died, and some friends. I am living every single day now remembering everything, and the only desire I have is to one day have a kid and raise them right. I want to have a great job where I can do fun stuff with him, and just love him like I have never felt growing up….