I wasn’t sure what to categorize this as, but I think LIFE will do it justice. I don’t know how to start this, so I guess I will just say that I am unhappy.
At a young age, as I am only sixteen, maybe you would expect me to love life and live it to the fullest, as I have no bills or job to worry about. When I was fourteen, I was diagnosed with arthritis. My knees swelled up 3 times the size and I had to quit my favourite sport because I could not exercise or even walk. It was hard to deal with and lowered my self-esteem majorly. At one point, I do think I was depressed.
I didn’t leave my house unless it was for school and I never wore shorts out in public because my knees were so big. Nothing seemed to help either, I went to numerous doctors and tried countless medications and even had a surgery done. I was hopeless, and I had given up.
It was very hard on me and I struggled very much throughout my freshmen year of high school. Fast forwarding to sophomore year, not only did I still have my arthritis, but I was also diagnosed with anxiety disorder.
It started off as social anxiety, then moved to separation anxiety. Now I can’t do anything alone or live a day without drowning in my own thoughts. I overthink everything and I worry about things month in advance.
My anxiety lead to me becoming anti-social and missing out on friend’s graduation parties and school events. I got my driver’s license and I don’t leave the house alone. My life has become a huge struggle and caused me to be unhappy. I do not know who I am anymore, and I do not love myself. I know I have been blessed with amazing friends and family, but for some reason I do not feel like it’s enough. I could have my friends tell me that I’m beautiful, I shouldn’t be insecure, or that my life is amazing, I shouldn’t be unhappy.
However, it doesn’t make me feel any better because I don’t believe it myself. I need to believe I’m beautiful and that my life is amazing for me to believe it. But how do I do that?