I’m lying on the couch, watching my ‘best friend’s wedding’. I’ve just eaten half MY FRIDGE. I’ve spent an hour looking up celebrities, who’s dating who and found out Hero Fiennes-Tiffin is a Scorpio… same as me.

I came home from my International Placement 2 weeks ago, 2 months early … my bed was infested with bed bugs, which wasn’t part of the contract. I decided to get a plane back in the middle of the night after 4 nights on a couch (one might say I am spur of the moment.) I forgot to say I was sharing a room with my pervert colleague, “soph and I used to get changed in front of each other – I’m chilled” he stated 2 minutes after I walked into our room for the first time.

I grew to love him in a gay best friend kind of way… There was also a night phone that I was on twice a week, ringing to the tone of 2pac 7 or 8 times a night. Happiness all at once one might say. So yes, now I’m at home, after eating healthily for the last few days to be heavier than I’ve ever been…

Looking at both Julia and Cameron reflecting on my body 2 years ago – 3 stone lighter than my current. To the buzz of the fly hovering around the light, stuck fascinated by the heat- deceived by the notion of the sun. Hanging on for an undesired outcome. I guess I’m just waiting really, waiting in fear. Stuck in my old ways, afraid. Afraid. Afraid. Not thinking of the future, not even taking a peep. Sexually frustrated too but that’s the least of my worries. I’ll keep you updated, I guess. It will pass …it always does. For now, however, I’m going to wallow.