I am jealous of my best friend, who is also my crush, because she has a boyfriend, and I’m still sitting here alone. This upsets me dearly.
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I am jealous of my best friend, who is also my crush, because she has a boyfriend, and I’m still sitting here alone. This upsets me dearly.
I just graduated from high school, and am taking a break from further education for a year or two. I wanted to expand my experience as well as try to have a better idea of what to take in post-secondary education. I wanted to get a job, or even two, to give me a better idea of my strengths and weaknesses. I eventually managed to land a job in a local grocery store, and I have never been more disappointed in myself than I ever have in my life. My failures are staring at me in my face, and I can’t even justify or comfort myself, as my incompetence is just too obvious. I haven’t even had my job for three weeks yet, and I have failed after many warnings on multiple occasions.
Firstly, my supervisors have been hindered and held back as a result of my performance. In other words, I ask for their help too often, and it’s clearly taking a toll on the patience of even my most well tempered supervisors. Secondly, it was my fault that I lost the store hundreds of dollars because I was too stupid to take a quick glance at a customer’s card or the underside of their shopping cart. Finally, I was home all day on my day off, and didn’t realize my phone was on silent. In the evening, I noticed it light up, and I picked it up and was informed of a slight adjustment in my week’s schedule. But wait, that’s nothing major, or even bad at all! Well see, as soon as the call ended, I realized I had at least ten missed calls from my workplace, and a few voice messages which clearly got more frustrated as I listened from the least to most recent messages. They wanted me to actually work that day, but I was dicking around at home and didn’t even notice my phone ringing. I missed the chance to work more hours and I blew it. I hadn’t even had this job for more than three weeks, and I’ve messed up so much in such a minuscule time span. Even though I am completely and utterly disappointed in capabilities, that isn’t even what bothers me the most. This may have been an example of how truly pathetic my abilities in life really are. I told myself everyday I’d work hard, yet I mess up in the most spectacular way possible. In reality, I’m nothing but a lazy waste of air, space, and resources. What if this is as far as my abilities can take me in life? Being barely able to handle a basic, no-experience job. Maybe in time I may improve, but life isn’t going to take its time with me. It’s not just me who takes the blow for my mistakes after all.
I live with my parents, yet I hesitate to move out because of my mother’s unstable emotional state. She isn’t too keen on having another child leave the nest just a few months after the other ones spread their wings. Read: they moved out, and she felt like she lost her purpose in life. She cried so much that while driving, she almost got into a car accident. For months, she would cry everyday, telling me to never ever leave home and to always stay with her. I hate myself for feeling angry, but I couldn’t help but feel she didn’t mind keeping me from attaining my own happiness as long as she got to keep hers. I love my mother, and am further disgusted at myself for being repulsed at her desire to keep me. She feeds me, clothes me, and provides me shelter, yet my self entitled pride has left me spoiled and undeserving of any kindness my family gives to me. I feel like both a burden, and a smothered toy. I want to stop causing so much trouble with my clumsiness and idiocy, but I’m scared as soon as I leave, I’ll accidentally lead myself into my own downfall. I want to leave because I feel like I’m not loved by my parents for being me, but just “loved” as a distraction from the loss they feel from not having the company of their favourite kids. I keep telling myself it’s okay to bask in the luxuries of not having to be responsible of my own home, which I already know is quite sad.
In summary, I’m incompetent, and have reached the limit of chances given to me by my managers. Every time I actively try to learn from my mistakes, I just cause a new one, as well as having failed to patch my previous shortcomings. There is nothing good about me. Seriously. I have maybe two friends, one of which I haven’t treated as well as I should have. The other is moving on with their life, as expected of life after high school. I could continue wallowing in pity, but I’m sure whoever is reading this is sick to death of listening to me whine and moan about myself. I don’t deserve the support I want, yet here I am, pathetically looking for it.
And of fuck, the kicker is that my problems are incredibly petty. They could be solved if I just worked at it. I’m sure the fastest way to solve this puzzle is to kill myself. But I’m so stupid. I actually kinda like myself.
My experience with high school has many similarities as well as many differences with what we thing the “average” high school experience would be. I have experienced just about every point on the social spectrum of my high school. When I was a freshman, I was well known, well liked, and respected. I had many friends, many acquaintances and I got good grades. I was always happy and it seemed like people were always happy to be around me. This popularity continued into my sophomore year. I turned 16 and got asked on a few dates. I asked a few people on dates myself. I’m not shy, and I never have been. I had friends in every class and if I didn’t, I would make some. I was incredibly social and outgoing. I even asked one of my friends to prom and had an awesome time. Toward the end of the year, they were taking candidates for student government. The day before the permission slips and essays were due, I decided to run. I should mention that I wasn’t the kind of popular most people think of when they hear that word. I wasn’t preppy or rich. I didn’t wear the fanciest clothes or have a football player as my boyfriend. I wore ponytails and worn jeans and t shirts and converse. I was just me and liked for who I was. Anyway, I made posters and t-shirts and gave out bracelets and lollipops. We were supposed to do a skit one day but I just did a speech that ended up being more of a standup comedy routine because really, I just winged it. But I got a lot of laughs and a big round of applause at the end, so I guess I did alright. The day of results came and I came in third behind two stereotypically popular boys. Usually, they choose one boy and one girl as representatives for a class, but this year they chose the two boys. I was bummed but decided it would have been a LOT of work if I’d have won. Everyone who came up to me acted furious that they chose two boys. They were telling me to fight back and argue and stuff but I just didn’t think it was worth it. My junior year was the end of my popularity’s life. I got a boyfriend close to the beginning of the year and things were awesome. I was in a few honors classes and an AP art class. I was happy and in love. I hung out with a more specified group of people that first term and found out who my true friends were. Then, during the second term, everything exploded into chaos. Rumors of me being pregnant and sleeping around for money circulated throughout the school. People offered me cigarettes and drugs in exchange for sexual favors. My boyfriend who told me he loved me broke up with me because he believed the rumors. I learned that the pregnancy rumor was started by a girl I considered to be my “best friend”. Confused and heartbroken, I started experimenting with self-harm. I would get called to the counselor’s office almost daily. I was despondent and tired all the time. People that I didn’t even know would throw condoms at me and call me horrible names. Graffiti in the bathroom went from being “I luv Jake” or “Mr. Matthews wears ladies underpants” or stupid stuff like that to awful, hurtful things based around my promiscuity. The end for me was when I was cornered in the bathroom by a group of girls that thought I had slept with one of their boyfriends. They screamed obscenities at me and one girl even slapped me and spit in my face. They left me in the corner, shaking and sobbing. I left the school and walked to the library where I called my mom to come get me. I sat in my room for days, only leaving to go to the bathroom. I ate because my parents forced me to. I was hopeless, glazed over and unresponsive. I snapped one day and screamed at my little sister. I grabbed her by the wrists and pushed her down. I locked myself in the bathroom and sliced my arms up worse than I ever had before. A hospital trip later, I was bandaged up in my room, thinking about how much happier everyone would be if I was dead. Then, a girl from my church named Kesha came into my room. She sat on my bed and with tears in her eyes told me she loved me and that it hurt her to see me like that. Kesha and I had been friends for several years and I’d figured she’d abandoned me along with everyone else. She hugged me and my eyes welled up. A tiny spark of hope appeared in my heart and for the first time in a long time, I felt a lick of happiness. Kesha sat with me for hours, listening to me, talking with me and just being there for me. In the weeks that followed, I got set up for home school, saw a psychiatrist and spent as much time with Kesha as I could. I returned to church to a warm welcome and felt happier than I had in a long time. That will be a year ago in December. My life has completely turned around. I’m on track to graduate early; Kesha is still my very best friend and my biggest support in life. I haven’t hurt myself or anyone else since my big breakdown with my sister. I haven’t returned to school and I don’t plan to. I don’t want that burden in my life now that I’ve pulled myself together. I am so happy being alive. I know how it feels to lose all hope completely. I know how it feels to have so much pain that you just want to die. I know how it feels to not understand anything; to be so confused and lost that you don’t even know who you are anymore. I know how it feels to have your life change on a dime. But I also know how it feels to be happy. To have true friends and people who love you for who you are.
Okay, well, here goes nothing. I guess I just need to get this off my chest. I don’t know if you’d categorize it as a ‘life story’ but whatever. It started in my freshmen year of high school. Back then I was a little spitfire to anyone I knew, but shy around those I didn’t know. Because of these two conflicting things, I was classified as an ice bitch. People thought I was cold and maybe even a violent badass. Back then, I was okay with having a reputation because, being shy little introverted me, I didn’t want people to talk to me. I already had friends so it isn’t like I exactly NEEDED to make new ones. After freshmen year I mellowed out a bit, I wasn’t nearly as violent but I had a temper. I got mad pretty easily, but it wasn’t like people had to run away screaming if I clenched my fists. I was still okay with my reputation, I just kind of shrugged it off and dealt with it. I didn’t see it as a big deal. The following year I was no longer violent, but instead strict and harsh. I ignored it, why did it matter to me if people called me a bitch behind my back? I didn’t think I was a bitch, it wasn’t like I was out stealing boyfriends, manipulating people, and stabbing my friends in the back. And yet people still thought I was some asshole. This year, nothing has changed except for the fact that everyone continues to judge me based on my reputation and my cold facial expression. My friends even say things like ‘oh she’s just mad about something’ when I’m visibly upset. I just don’t know what to do. It’s not like I don’t mind if people think I’m cold or mean, I just wish that they wouldn’t judge me based on what they hear other people say about me.
Angela K has head lice and has never even tried to get rid of it, because she is pure white trash. She lives with Roger, the man that RAPED her little daughter, and let him BACK in the home!!!! Can you say White Trash?
I don’t get it… it looks like a curse or something…just today, I found out a girl I was starting to feel attracted to had a boyfriend. That would be fine if this was the first time it happened , but it already happened 3 times this year! one of them was even engaged!!!
I don’t get it , there are supposed to be more women than men on the planet , yet , about 80% of the males I know are single, and about 90% of the girls I know have a boyfriend, and I obviously keep falling for that 90%
Okaie. Yes I know thats not how you spell okay but its whatever. I’m a girl and I’m just about 16 and one thing I hate is when people say your to young to know what love is. Yes I understand that love is a big word. But I have been in love and I truly feel that I’ve lost the love of my life. His name starts with a P. We had been friends for a really long time. Actually since I could remember. He really came into my life when I was 9. My mom had just left and he was always there. His mom kind of became my mom. Before my mom left his mom and my mom would talk all the time about how we would end up together. And as I grew older I started believing it. Anyway’s so we started dating our 7th grade year and I gotta hand you something it was my best years of my life so far. We were the couple everyone knew and loved. We’d constantly fight but at the end of the day we made up. We started taking us as a couple serious that summer. And the 3 words came out and I full heartedly meant all 3 to the period. So we grew older and now in 10 grade we broke up freshman year. We continued being best friends and ever so often find ourselves talking about the good old days and it was nice. So sophomore year starts and we’d say we’d moved on but I dont think we did. He started finding this girl. Her name starts with an N. In the beginning she was okaie with me. And as time went on she didn’t really like the fact that I was best friends with him still after we had dated. I get that but then they were having troubles and I slept over one night and things got a little heated and now about 1/2 way through our sophomore year. He becomes distant and eventually we stopped being friends. I didn’t notice because I gave them space.Now it the end of our Sophomore year and were still not talking. In the end you can see he’s not happy. I’m not happy. But the question I’m always asking is.. Do you think we can find each other again? And I’ve heard the “if it meant to be then its meant to be” but I need a for sure answer to move on.
I always knew that my best guy friend liked me but I always kept ignoring it because I actually did not want to accept it. Yesterday he confessed it to my sister that he actually head over heals for me and now I feel miserable. I want him only as a friend and nothing more. He moved to another part of town and I know we won’t be able to meet again. He mad my sister promise that she won’t tell me, but I over heard their conversation. I am confused, shall I tell him that I know or not. I know he will tell me really soon about it. But I don’t want him to tell me. I feel that I completely used him up. He was ready to die for me and I actually once pushed him into a well of death. there was this guy who was crazy for me and that guy owned a gang full of BAD BOYS. My best friend actually went to fight with them. He came back safe and sound but he risked his life for me. And what I did to thank him was just scold him for going there and fighting with them. His sister told me the next day that he actually cried the night before. I did not even show the courtesy to apologize to him. I love him but only as a best friend, nothing more.
I want my friend back. besides, he has moved to a new home yesterday and it was really unexpected. They were going to go 2 weeks later. When he called me to inform, I was like only – oh.. so you moved.. bye then.
I am a fool. I just want to meet him once to apologize to him.
I just came on my face!
I am a loser, I now admit that. I have deeply hurt and devastated my wife who I have know for 21 years and married for 17.5 years. I could not face my own personal crisis and admit I needed help and talk to her. I cut her out of my life, my feelings, my emotions.
I detached from her and turned my attention to my next door neighbour’s wife. She was easy to reel in. I made up all sorts of lies and sob stories about how awful a person my wife was. When in reality my wife was a wonderful, loyal, loving and kind person who did not deserve all that I have done to her. Yes, I groomed this married neighbour to sleep with her thinking the excitement would come back to my life. It was easy – she was so gullible and believed all the lies I told her about my wife. She finally slept with me. My wife found out 3 days later and confronted me and then the other woman. We promised we’d not see or talk to each other. We lied or at least I lied to my wife. All I could think about was trying to convince this other woman to sleep with me again and again and again. I did not think about anything else. I did not care about anything else. I did not care when my wife found our text messages and caught us out together. I did not care when my wife said she had told our neighbour’s husband (who was my friend) what had been going on. But then I came to my senses and realised I could not deal with any of the fallout of what had happened. Every one of my neighbours in our small community thought I was a great guy, so helpful, so neighbourly. If they only knew the truth I would not be able to face them. So I ran away from my wife and responsibilities but not before I screamed and yelled right in her face, abuse that I never knew I felt or had in me. I psychologically tried to break her which didn’t work. And in the end I physically abused her. I tried to kill her.
We are now separated because I wanted this. She does not want to know me anymore. My life is not what I thought it would be. I thought if I got away from her I’d have an exciting and passionate life. The other woman stayed with her husband. I have ended up with nothing. My life is just mere existence now. I try to convince myself that I am better off, but in reality my life is not a life at all now. I am sorry Lisa for what I did to you. I know you never want to see me again or can forgive me for what I did, but I’m truly sorry for the hurt and all the awful things I said about never having loved you and that you destroyed my life. I destroyed my life all by myself. Why – I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure that out. Maybe one day I will be brave enough (and not the coward you called me) to face you and try and explain. But for now I tell the world that I was not and never was worthy of your love and trust. Your very sorry husband, Nick East
I am 14 and my little sister is in the hospital because she tried to overdose on Tylonol but she didnt succeed they have her in intensive care, she will not be comming home for a while though. I miss her so much!
I have now realised why I don’t talk to girls. I don’t want to talk to the ugly ones, and I am to shy to talk to the the hot ones.
I’m 13 and I’m a girl. I don’t have freedom cuz my mum doesn’t allow me to have anything I want. I get old grades and such. No phone not even landline. No outings or mall. No nothing. I have a laptop which she doesn’t let me use. I don’t get it. I don’t know what to say any more. I asked her for my iPod back since I lost it last year cuz I was chatting at late hours but I swore I would take care of it and use it with trust. She laughed it off and said no. I feel like committing suicide. I know, I’m just 13 I shouldn’t worry, I should listen to my parents. They know best. I’m sick of it. I am very sick of it. Not even a decent life. I’m turning 13 a few days ahead and my day said he would get me an alarm clock.. My mum said she isn’t buying me anything. I wanna die. Please..
Life can be very displeasing especially when we loose the ones we love and cherish so much. In this kind of situation where one loses his/her soul mate there are several dangers engage in it. One may no longer be able to do the things he was doing before then success will be very scarce and happiness will be rare. That person was created to be with you for without him things may fall apart.
That was my experience late last year. But thank god today I am happy with him again.
Why do guys not talk to me? Or hug me, say hi, be my friend?
My name is Latonya Exil and I’ve left 2 kids without a mum just so I can be about that life
I’ve cheated on every person I’ve ever been with. I know I will never stop
Monogamy is rucking awesome
I just had sex and was so desperate not to get this girl pregnant that I made my own condom out of a zip lock bag, a rubber band, and some chap-stick I had in my pocket.
The sex was mediocre.
Just had a threesome with my boss and her husband, she was hot for me cause I have a very big one (11 inches)
I now know why I am rich, I’ve never had a girlfriend for the past 15 years spending my money, or having to buy presents for.