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I used to have friends

This morning I woke up, I wasn’t happy about it and I never am anymore. I can’t say I was ever actually happy, besides when I used drugs or drank. I miss everyone, well not really, do you ever have the feeling of missing someone or missing people that never really cared for you and you don’t really care for them?

I used to have friends, real friends, before I moved here during my half of 8th grade year. I was so confident to make friends, but I didn’t know how bad everything would turn out. I would say the year I moved I did notice a little change, but I had to fit in, so I started dressing differently and of course acting out. My parents never understood it and never will, I barely understand myself.

9th grade things started spinning out of control, I was dating bad guys who did drugs, I went off campus I was full of myself. But it wasn’t my fault, I just was leading to believe what everyone else believed and I was dragged down by people and everyone was just so mean and hurtful. You were judged for everything, what you wear, what you look like, your status, if you have a phone or not, and honestly it was stupid.

Over the summer I actually started dating some guy I liked, but he turned out just as mean and nasty and everything went down, down, down starting from there. 9th grade was hard, but this year was about to be hell. I totally lost track of who I was, I felt like crap and still do all the time, I lost friends because they weren’t my actual friends, and lastly, I turned out into someone I didn’t like. I ended up dating another guy and it was good until someone entered the picture, I didn’t like him, but he was Mr. steal ya girl and he almost did because I started to feel useless to the other guy, but he broke that off real fast when he found out that guy was trying to flirt with me.

Little did I know after that it was just guy, after guy, after guy trying to fix a void of my empty, useless, life. When he broke up with me I had to see if the other guy would be with me (because I felt empty) and he left as well, the one who said he wanted to be with me next, left me. In the end those two guys turned the whole school against me and left me alone with no friends and no one. I kept acting out which eventually to no surprise I lost my virginity to some asshole I didn’t even like. Go me 🙁

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