I feel a disconnect with who I am and with what my life looks like. I show the world one person, but know there is a different one within, waiting to come out and be seen.
I am ready to become this person, my true self, and I’m wondering how to do so. I know I should appreciate my life and so far, all the things I have.
Healthy family, a job, house, food. But how can I do all of this when I’m in a war with myself? How can I respect others when I don’t respect myself? How can I love someone when I don’t even love myself? I look in the mirror and all I see is ugly.
Sometimes I say to myself, relax, you’re only 19. I should be out there, enjoying life and having fun, how can I do such thing when I have no confidence? I shout and scream at the people I love and have no control of my emotions. Anything can make me cry or angry.
My emotions are overpowering me. I feel like I have no desire or passion for anything. I am so unhappy about the way I look, and I always think of changing myself with plastic surgery. No one can understand me. I have never had sex before, never had a boyfriend or been in love. I don’t have friends and have no one to talk to. I’m really sad.
Why can’t I be happy? Why good things never happen to me? Why do I always find myself stuck? How do I over power this?
I also struggle with loving myself and being confident with who I am. I feel like every one is always staring at me and thinking the worst. I loose control of myself and take it out on my family. Whenever I get mad, it’s at the smallest things and I can’t control my anger. I don’t know how to help, but I want you to know that you aren’t the only one and I hope you can get through this.