Most of the time, I feel bored, alone, sad, desperate to be loved and seen by a guy. I feel broken inside. I search for things to do, things to keep me busy, things to take my mind away from my thoughts and I search. I wish and wish for a guy to love and even sign up for different dating website and later on decide it was the wrong decision, why I sometimes don’t know.
I see my friends quite happy in their own different ways and I feel jealous. Then I start to wish again and again. Crying inside and hoping for an unexpected miracle to happen, what a laugh! Lately I have been feeling down, not comfortable in the environment I am living. I feel as if I am reliving every single day again and again and I just want it to change. Is that much to ask? I guess I am not the only person to feel this way, isn’t that right?
Today was supposed to be a perfect day for me.
To cut the long story short, I got accepted into university and for a person who didn’t want to study at all what an unbelievable surprise and a tremendous decision I have made. I decided to visit the university I will be going to, with my parents. Anyway, the day began with my parents having an argument and me hoping it wouldn’t last the day and that when we finally reach our destination, they will have put their differences aside and just enjoy the moment with me, but the opposite happened. It was a total catastrophe. My mum ended up destroy the right side of her car door, my dad about to explode and me regretting ever going on this trip at first and also hoping we all made it home in one piece.
It was supposed to be one of those precious moment of life where you realized you are on a good part in achieving your dreams and you have made the best decision possible. And There I stand in front of the school, inside so unhappy, full of regrets and outside pretend to be happy so it wouldn’t get any worst.
I wanted them to be there with me and to enjoy and celebrate this moment of life with ME. Is that too much to ASK?
Now here I am, feeling miserable, my thoughts are about to murder me and the best way I could think of to let them all out, is by WRITING it down. So HERE I AM!