Her name is Alae, well, all letters are here, but she has no idea what to write. She’s thinking of nothing.
Now it comes to her mind how strange her heart is! She’s the kind of girls who shall like five boys in the same day. Because of a smile, a thought, a word, or a look. Wait! Here is another idea that came to her mind, she doesn’t know what to do in her life. She can’t speak French, she can’t speak English.
She had never worked before or got money from a job somewhere. She’s even writing her thoughts down and not trusting her words. There must be a mistake somewhere, something has to do with grammar, spelling…
But she regretted, the days she spent them chatting, laughing, wasting time, chasing boys, seeking attention. She regretted the three years she spent in the university and couldn’t improve her language. That’s weird, she got her license, and she’s an English department student but can’t speak English. She’s writing her thoughts and feelings in English but she can’t speak English. It hurts! It really does. Comparing herself to others killed her. Comparing herself to others made her cry, made her weak, made her insecure. But she is afraid. Afraid of being rejected, of saying something wrong, afraid of not getting married or not meeting the soulmate. People say she’s beautiful, but she doesn’t believe them. She knows she’s not, with her yellow teeth she can’t be beautiful, with no self-confidence, she can’t be beautiful, with no man loving her and dying to see her ugly smile, she can’t be beautiful. Still, she is writing, writing to let others know how she feels, waiting for someone to say you are beautiful or what’s wrong with yellow teeth. (By the way, she used to tell others that she smokes. Well, it was the only reasonable cause for the yellow teeth.)
Wants to do something different, wants to be someone else, wants to improve her skills, wants to learn new languages –although she masters no language-, wants to meet someone who will love her and make her love herself. But wait, how can someone loves her if she does not love herself. I don’t know if I can say that she hates her body, her teeth, her smile, her eyes, everything in her. She’s always thinking of money, if she had money, she might change herself, making her teeth white, her eyes beautiful and her face worth dying for. She know this sentence is wrong, she can feel it but again she can’t speak English.
There was a lot of opportunities that could help her, but she was afraid, people speak, debate and discuss but she cannot do this. She’s always afraid of saying something wrong, of being rejected, people are not going to like her or her thoughts. No one is going to speak to her, she’s nothing but nothing. Can you feel her? Can you feel the way she feels? No you can’t, because you are reading this and wondering how an English student can write in such this way. Let me tell you something, she had no other choice. English was the only way to let others think she’s important, she’s something different. But NO.
This is some of her thoughts, some of the negative thoughts that control her body.
That’s all for today. This is the start, there are many things she wants to share with you. To be honest this is a fake account, I told you, she can’t trust herself, and she knows that bad comments are coming. Maybe one day this fake account will no longer exist. She lied in one thing, her name.
She’s not Alae, she’s something else. Too many punctuation right!
Should I tell you “enjoy reading”? I don’t know: /